The Veterinarian, the genie, working and praying.
Strange thought: Why does a bank charge you a fee for ‘insufficient funds’ when there weren’t enough there to begin with?
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The Veterinarian
One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small Florida church found a pink envelope containing $1000.
It happened again the next week. The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw a little old lady put the distinctive pink envelope in the plate.
This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.
“Ma’am, I couldn’t help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate,” he stated.
“Why yes,” she replied, “every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church.”
The pastor replied, “That’s wonderful, how much does he send you?”
The old lady said, “$10,000 a week.”
The pastor was amazed. “Your son is very successful; what does he do for a living?”
“He is a veterinarian,” she answered.
“That is an honorable profession,” the pastor said. “Where does he practice?”
The old lady said proudly, “In Nevada. He has two cat houses in Las Vegas and one in Reno.”
(Thanks, Barbara, for sending this one in!)
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One day a man spotted a lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and a genie appeared.
“I’ll grant you your fondest wish,” the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, “I want a spectacular job — a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever even dared try.”
“Done!” said the genie, and Poof, the man became a housewife…
A quote:
I think if you really like a girl, you have to pay a LOT of attention to her. But try telling that to those jerks on the jury.
–Dave George
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I came home from work last night exhausted. I said to my wife, “I need my glasses checked. I’m so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death.”
Perplexed, my wife asked, “What’s being nearsighted got to do with working yourself to death?”
“I couldn’t tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work the whole time!”
A businessman who needed millions of dollars to clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money. By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an urgent debt.
The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100 into the other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the church.
The businessman then closed his eyes and prayed: “And now, Lord, that I have your undivided attention…”
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Parting shot:
Miss Sato wanted to start the year off right. She announced to her 6th grade class, “Boys and girls, there are two words I don’t allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool.”
From the back of the room Little Chad shouted out, “So, what are the words?”
Ya’ll have a nice day, ok?