The Prophet, the woman, the teacher, the bachelors and death.
While Nostradamus was alive, he was in great demand by the various churches and temples in the area. Since this was a strain on him running from place to place, the religious groups got together and hammered out a schedule where they would each get Nostradamus’ services for one or two days a month on a rotating basis.
It was the world’s first prophet-sharing plan.
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I heard a women say they can judge how a guy will be in bed from how he dances.
I hope that’s not true, because my family’s all rednecks.
Ya gotta understand, rednecks invented square dancing, which means we’re so bad at it, we have to have someone tell us what to do, as we’re doing it..
Ms. Sato was substitute teaching at night school when she poses the following problem to the remedial math class:
“A wealthy man dies and leaves twenty million dollars behind. One-tenth goes to his wife, one-tenth is to go to his son, one-tenth to each of his two daughters, and the rest to his girlfriend.
Now, what does each get?”
After a very long silence in the classroom, my bud Jon raised his hand. Ms. Sato calls on Jon for his answer.
With complete sincerity in his voice, Jon answered, “A lawyer!”
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A woman’s husband dies. He had left $30,000 to be used for an elaborate funeral. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that “there is absolutely nothing left from the $30,000.”
The friend asks, “How can that be?
“The widow says, “Well, the funeral cost was $6,000. And of course I made a donation to the church - that was $500, and I spent another $500 for the wake, food and drinks - you know. The rest went for the memorial stone.”
The friend says, “$22,000 for the memorial stone? My God, how big is it?”
The widow says, “Five and a half carats.”
Two confirmed bachelors were talking when their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”
“Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.
“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way: ‘Take a clean dish…’”
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Ok, dumb blonde joke alert:
There are three blondes who get washed up on an island.
Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent.
Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead.
The redhead builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two.
The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.
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Have a great weekend!
Wayne