The Genie and the toilet
Ok, now I’m worried. My wife asked me where my life insurance policy was as she served me a peanut butter sandwich…
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Chad was sitting alone in his office one night when a Genie popped up out of his ashtray.
“And what will your third wish be?”
Chad looked at the Genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?”
“You have had two wishes already,” the Genie said, “but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.”
“Okay,” said Chad, “I don’t believe this, but what the heck. I’ve always wanted to understand women. I’d love to know what’s going on inside their heads.”
“Sheesh! I wish you’d make up your mind,” said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, “That was your first wish, too!”
(Ok, this one’s old, but still funny.)
How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way
Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash” and rinse”.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
Sincerely,
The Dog
(Thanks, Barbara, for sending this one in.)
A man was visiting the gym where I like to work out.
He was watching a class, and commented on how impressed he was by the enthusiasm the class showed. Not to be outdone he said, “I exercise, too, you know.”
Then, with a slight grin he went on. “Yup, every morning I wake up at 5 am, jump out of bed, and run around the block six times!”
Impressed, I began to praise his regimen, but he interrupted me saying, “And then I kick that block back under the bed and go back to sleep until 8 or so!”