Superbowl Jokes
Greetings. Today, I have collected (ok, stolen) some of the best (and worse) Superbowl jokes from around the Internet.
Enjoy!
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court.
Momma Bear and Poppa Bear were splitting up, and baby bear had to decide who he was going to live with.
The judge talked to Baby Bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.
When he asked Baby Bear about living with his father, Baby Bear answered “No, I can’t live with Poppa Bear, he beats me terribly.”
“Okay,” said the judge. “Then you want to live with your mother, right?”
“No way!” replied Baby Bear, “She beats me worse than Poppa Bear does.”
The judge was a bit confused by this, and didn’t quite know what to do.
“Well, you have to live with someone, are there any relatives you would like to stay with?”
“Yes,” answered Baby Bear, “my aunt Sally Bear who lives in Chicago.”
You’re sure she will treat you well and won’t beat you?” asked the judge.
“Oh certainly,” said Baby Bear, “The Chicago Bears don’t beat anyone.”
This man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
“No”, he said, “the seat is empty”.
“This is incredible”, said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl , the biggest sport event in the world, and not use it ?”
Somberly, the man says, “Well… the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1971.”
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The man shakes his head, “No. They’re all at the funeral.”
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My wife’s idea of a Superbowl is a toilet that cleans itself.
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Peyton Manning, after living a full life, died.
When he got to heaven, God personally was showing him around.
They came to a modest little ranch house with a faded Colts flag in the window. “This house is yours for eternity, Peyton,” said God. “This is very special because not everyone gets a house up here.”
Peyton felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner.
It was a 6-story mansion with a blue and orange sidewalk, a 200-foot tall flagpole with an enormous Bears logo flag, and in every window, a blue and orange Chicago Bears logo.
Peyton looked at God and said, “God, I’m not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame.”
God said, “Yes, that’s correct. What’s your point?”
“Well, why does Rex Grossman get a better house than me?”
God chuckled, and said: “Peyton, that’s not Rex’s house, it’s mine.”
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My bud Jon says that COLTS stands for ‘Count On Losing The Superbowl.’
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Did you hear what happened the first time the Chicago Bears took to the field for their first Super Bowl practice in Miami?
About ten minutes into the practice a Bear offensive player noticed a white, powdery substance on the field.
Practice was immediately stopped and experts were called in to examine the substance.
The officials were worried that terrorists had somehow gained access to the field and spread Anthrax.
A group of nervous Chicago players stood and watched as the white powder was examined.
Finally the tests were completed. The experts said that the powder was just the chalk dust from the goal line.
This was an understandable mistake considering that the Bears’ offense seldom got near that end of the field.
Well, I wish I had more Superbowl jokes, but I’ll have to wait until after the game to see which team wins, and which one gets the brunt of the jokes over the next year.