Shopping for Sex, Puns, Phones, and The Police.
Mrs. Siegel, rather advanced in years, had finally been persuaded to consult a psychiatrist for the first time. The psychiatrist, after an extensive interview said, “Mrs. Siegel, with your permission I will try an experiment with you. It may serve to advance us more rapidly. I am going to have you lie here on the couch for half an hour, and during that period of time I want you to think of nothing but sex. Do you understand me? Just think of sex. When I come back I will ask you what you have thought and we can proceed from there.”
In half an hour, he returned. “Well, Mrs. Siegel, have you been thinking of sex?”
“Yes, doctor,” she said. “And what have you been thinking?”
“I’ve been thinking,” she answered, “that in my opinion, Sex Fifth Avenue is not as good as Nieman Marcus.”
Pun Alert!
In the middle ages, there was a traveling show famous across Europe for its spectacular, death-defying acts.
People who went to the show were always on the edge of their seats.
Because the stunts were so daring, the show was called “The Show of Tension” and the performers came to be known as “Tensions.”
War and sickness soon swept through Europe, bringing poverty to many people.
Sadly, the traveling show couldn’t survive.
People just weren’t able to pay a Tension anymore…
A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she tripped on her rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook.
As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking.
The woman’s three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams.
The woman mumbled some colorful words.
She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end say, ”Nobody’s said hello yet, but I’m positive I have the right number.”
A not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again…
Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
Parting shot - The Young Entrepreneurs:
A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many.
Then he discovered the problem.
A 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign that read “RADAR TRAP AHEAD”.
The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading “TIPS” and a bucket full of change.