Sailors, Golf, and stupid people
Two dumb sailors, Chad and Jon,were hunting one a sunny day. Now Chad is not the brightest person in the world. They came up on a pretty young girl sunbathing in the nude. Jon jumped up and said, “Boy, she looks good enough to eat.”
So, Chad shot her.
(Yes, they were officers…)
My bud Jon’s boat never floated in the water quite right, if you know what I mean. Here’s an example:
Jon has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that this is a woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that, in fact, she’s very attractive.
He’s interested and suggests that they play the rest of the round together. She agrees and a very close match ensues. She turns out also to be a very talented golfer and she wins their little competition on the last hole.
He congratulates her in the car park then offers to give her a lift when he sees she doesn’t have a car. All in all it’s been a highly enjoyable morning.
On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning’s company and competition and says she hasn’t enjoyed herself so much on the course for a long time. ”In fact,” she says, “I’d like you to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated everything.” He pulls over, they kiss and she shows him her appreciation…
The next morning Jon spies her at the first tee and suggests they play together again. He’s actually quite competitive and slightly peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they have a magnificent day, enjoying each other’s company and playing a tight, competitive round of golf. Again she pips him at the last, again he drives her home and again she shows her appreciation.
This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day. This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned: dinner for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel.
Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can’t agree to this. He can’t work out what the fuss is about but eventually she admits the reason.
“You see,” she tearfully sobs, “I’m a transvestite.”
He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion. “I’m sorry,” she repeats.
“You bastard,” he screams, red in the face, “You cheating bastard. You’ve been playing off the red tees all week!!”
Question: Why do pilots say “We are now making our final approach”? Did they make other approaches that they didn’t tell you about?
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
“You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me… I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”
The Englishman replied, with a smile, “Very sporting of your Mother.”
Parting Shot:
I created an invention once, but it didn’t sell very well. It was cat-flavored dog food…