A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, ‘I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.’
The brand new blond waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, ‘This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running Boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?’
‘No,’ the cook said. ‘Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon.
‘Oh, OK!’ said the blond. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, ‘What are the beans for?
She replied, ‘I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!’
Who says all blonds are dumb?
~~~~~~~~
Pun Alert! You have been warned!
A psychiatrist is doing his rounds with some of his students. They look in on one patient, and the psychiatrist says to his students, “Sometimes this fellow thinks he’s a temptress in a Bizet opera, but today, as you can see from his goose-stepping, he thinks he’s the World War II head of the Luftwaffe. What condition do you think he’s suffering from?”
The first student replies, “Is he a paranoid schizophrenic with a multiple-personality disorder?”
The second student says, “No, surely he just doesn’t know whether he’s Carmen or Goering!”
~~~~~~~~
Ok, another bad pun:
A barman looks out the window of his bar and sees a guy riding a horse dressed in a hunting outfit with a rifle over one arm and a hound running along beside him. He dismounts and comes walking into the bar where upon he takes the rifle off his shoulder and starts wandering around with his dog sniffing ever table, chair and small corner of the bar. After a while he approaches the barman who asks him what he’s doing.
The guy replies, “I’m hunting you idiot. Can’t you see that?”
“OK, OK.” says the barman, “Would you like a drink while you hunt?”.
Immediately the hunter says, “Do you have any cheap Gin?”.
Rather taken a back by the abruptness of his request the barman replies, “No, I’m sorry I’m all out of the cheap stuff. Is there anything else you’d like?”
“No!” says the hunter and he starts to leave.
As he reaches the door the barman calls after him, “By the way, pal, exactly what do you hunt?”
“I hunt for cheap gin you bumbling idiot! Couldn’t you tell that I’m a BarGIN Hunter!”
~~~~~~~~
Parting Shot:
Two carrots were walking down the road when a huge transfer truck slammed into one of them. An ambulance was called and they rushed the little fellow off to the hospital where he immediately went into hours of surgery. Finally the doctor emerged and approached the other carrot who had been anxiously awaiting in the waiting room.
“Tell me Doc, how is he?”
The doctor replied, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is he’s going to live. The bad news is we’re pretty sure he’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.