Lost, Naughty Rhyme, Bush, and Preaching
Lost in the desert.
Our man Chad got lost in the Sahara desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he’s lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling, “Mush! Mush!”
Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time: ”Mush! Mush!” Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo bundled up in furs driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.
Thinking that it’s a hallucination, Chad blinks and shakes his head, but it’s for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, “Help meeee!”
The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and Chad says to the Eskimo, “I don’t know what you’re doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I’ve been wandering around this desert for days, my water’s all gone and I’m completely lost!”
The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, “You’re lost?!”
Naughty rhyme:
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, so Jill prefered the candle stick!
Late Night Quote:
“I give credit where credit is due. Finally, someone from the Bush family has enlisted. George Prescott Bush, the president’s nephew, has enlisted in the Navy.
The Navy is a tradition in the Bush family.
The first president Bush was a Navy pilot.
The current President Bush spends money like a drunken sailor.”
–Bill Maher
Preaching to a bear
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment.
They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. “Well,” he says, “I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.”
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, ” WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.”
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, “Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”
Have a great weekend - three days this time!