Gas, Hindu women, math, and the man of the house
Today’s gripe:
Stupidity is NOT a handicap. Park elsewhere!
I just had to pass this one along:
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, “What seems to be the problem?”
The man replied, “I’m out of gas.”
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away.
Minutes later the man saw an entire swarm of bees fly to his car and into his gas tank. The bees then flew out.
“Try it now,” said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
“WOW!” the man exclaimed, “What did you put in my gas tank?”
The bee answered, “BP.”
My redneck bud Jon has the following explanation:
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their Religion.
The Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C. has recently revealed the true story.
When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union.
On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the spot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in the USA.
If not, he must take a job in India answering telephones giving technical advise.
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From Janice:
While reviewing math symbols with my fourth-grade students, I drew a greater-than (>) and a less-than (<) sign on the chalkboard and asked, "Does anyone know what these mean?"
A few moments passed, and then a boy confidently raised his hand.
"One means fast-forward," he exclaimed, "and the other means rewind!"
Barbara sent me this one:
The husband had just finished reading a new book, “YOU Can BE The MAN Of YOUR HOUSE.”
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said sternly, “From now on, YOU need to know that I AM the MAN of this house, and my word is law! You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert afterward.
Then, after dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me, and we will have the sex that I want.
After that, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then you will massage my feet and hands.
Then after that’s done, guess who’s going to dress me and comb my hair?”
His wife replied, “The funeral director would be my guess.”
Parting shot:
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the immoral behavior that was going on.
He called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When he returned, he told God, “Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and only 5% are not.”
God was not pleased. So He decided to e-mail the 5% who were being good, because He wanted to encourage them… give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?
….. OK, I was just wondering; I didn’t get one either…